Jasmine Schnurstein, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Clinical Director of the Child and Adolescent Treatment Clinic
Here at the EBP, we often work with kids and families struggling with anxiety. Living through a global pandemic has certainly highlighted the difficulties of parenting anxious kids, and really the difficulty of parenting in general! Some kids may have had struggles with worry prior to the pandemic and some may just be exhibiting these issues in response to the pandemic. The good news is we know some specific ways parents can help kids with worry, whatever the cause!
For all kids, but especially our worriers, predictability is key! We want kids to know what to expect and what is expected of them and their behavior. Sometimes there are things we CANNOT predict or control (like moving to virtual school in the middle of the school year), but the things that can be predicted and controlled should be for kids. There are many different ways to increase predictability in a child’s life. One way is through consistent daily routines and weekly schedules. Two of the most important times in a child’s day to follow a schedule are bedtime and mealtime. Sometimes when nothing else is coming together, (and you are juggling full time jobs, full time child care, full time tech support, full time anything else you can think of) schedules and routine go out the window. If all you can do is keep bedtimes and mealtimes consistent for your kids that is a total parenting win.
Bedtime: Begin the bedtime routine at the same time every night (including weekends, if possible). Follow the same routine (e.g., use bathroom, brush teeth, wash hands and face, change into pajamas, read for 10 minutes, turn off lights) in the same order each night. Use checklists, sticker charts, and reward systems to help get buy in and engagement. Also try for consistent wake times and a morning routine. Wake up and get out of bed at the same time each morning. Follow the same getting ready routine. Use checklists, sticker charts, and reward systems for this too! Sleep is so important. It could be (and probably will be) a whole other blog post!
Mealtime: Setting fixed meal and snack times helps kids maintain nutritional intake by ensuring that they are hungry and ready to eat at times when food is available. Kids need to eat every 2 to four 4 hours. Most kids require 3 meals a day and 2-3 snacks a day.
Other ways to increase predictability include consistent homework routines, minimizing transitions, and reviewing upcoming changes to the schedule.
Homework: It can be helpful to set a specific time of day and location in the house for homework. Some kids need time after school for a “brain break” others need to get homework done right away. Do what works for your family and your kids. I generally recommend using “When/Then” language to communicate expectations to children. Some examples may be “When you finish your homework, then you can have Ipad time,” or “When you complete your morning routine, then you can have free play time.” Make sure to follow through with the “then” once they have completed the “when.”
Minimizing Transitions: Transitions can be very anxiety provoking and difficult for children. When possible minimizing transitions and giving prompts before transitions can be helpful. Utilizing timers and multiple reminders (10 more minutes, 5 more minutes etc) can help prepare kids for the transition.
Reviewing schedule or changes to the schedule: It also may be helpful to review the next days schedules each night. That is when you can highlight any changes to the usual routine and you can even practice the changes if possible. That might sound like, “Tomorrow you have a doctor’s appointment. When you wake up we will do our normal morning routine, but instead of leaving for/signing on to school we will get in the car to drive to your appointment.” This kind of prep work may not always be possible, but when it is possible it is very helpful.
Predictability is not just about routines and schedules. You can also increase predictability in your child’s life by giving clear expectations for their behavior with clear rewards and/or consequences. If you increase the consistency of how you respond to certain behaviors (i.e. provide praise, ignore, follow through on a consequence, give a reward etc) then kids know what to expect. Even if they do not particularly like your response (i.e. giving a consequence) it helps their anxiety if they can rely on your response and it is consistent. If sometimes you allow a specific behavior and other times you do not allow the behavior it can be confusing and unsettling for a kid. Clear expectations and consistent responses to behaviors can dramatically increase the predictability in your child’s life!
Predictability is very hard to come by when we are still in the middle of a global pandemic. Making small changes to increase predictability for your kids can lead to some big results. This is a great way to reduce anxiety and worry. Pick one small way to increase predictability and start with that. If you are worried about the level of anxiety your child is exhibiting, check out the resources below or give us a call to set up a consultation 702-508-9181.
References
Kazdin, A. E. (2013). The everyday parenting toolkit. Mariner Books.
Rapee, R., Wignall, A., Spence, S., Lyneham, H., and Cobham, V. (2008). Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents. New Harbinger Publications.
Resources:
Sleep: