Heather Phelps, B.S.
Pre-degree Couples and Family Therapy Intern (2022)
Parents tend to prioritize their child’s well-being over their own well-being, but when it comes to mental health, it doesn’t have to be that way. Can you imagine what it would be like if you got the chance to have some time to yourself and talk about your own stress?
If you are coming to The Evidenced Based Practice (The EBP) for child behavioral or emotional concerns, it is important to know when it is time to get your own therapy so you can be in the best condition to help your child. At this point, you might be thinking, “Hey. I don’t need therapy because I don’t have a diagnosis.” or “My child is the one being a defiant rascal. Why should I be in therapy?”. You might not “need” therapy, but would you change your mind if it could be helpful? Check out our guide below to see if treatment might be right for you. But first, we want to give you a little background information.
You can go to therapy for many different reasons.
Contrary to popular belief, therapy is not only helpful for mental health diagnoses or emotional concerns. Therapy can help to manage parental stress, support parent relationships, or the dreaded one— show you how you might be unintentionally contributing to your child’s problems. Therapy can also help you cope with life changes such as divorce, job loss, breakups, etc. You may even want to learn some skills to deal with the stress of COVID-19 and learn how to navigate life post-pandemic.
It also may surprise you that in 2022, 19.86% of adults were experiencing a diagnosable mental illness. That is equivalent to 50 million Americans (Mental Health America, Adult Data, 2022). Although American culture reinforces the need to be self-reliant and independent, getting help can be integral to finding happiness and feeling better. After going to therapy, you may realize that you are a part of that 20 percent who have just learned to “manage” but have never felt quite happy or fulfilled. We don’t know about you, but “just managing” does not sound very fun.
What if you have tried therapy and it didn’t work?
This concern is common, and there are various reasons that therapy might not work out the way you hoped. For example, maybe you went to therapy but didn’t see any improvement or the change was painfully slow. Depending on the severity of your mental health concerns, you may see improvement after just a few sessions. For example, if you are experiencing a major life change or a divorce, you might be able to feel better after a handful of sessions. If you have a psychiatric disorder that has developed over many years, you might need more time to solidify the positive changes. Be sure to advocate for your needs and ask your therapist what approaches they use and why they use them. A good therapist will be able to identify a good treatment plan, as well be a good personality fit for you.
It is important to look for therapists who specialize in what you are experiencing. For instance, if you have an ADHD diagnosis, then you should see a therapist who at least has some experience with neurodevelopmental disorders. That way your clinician can best cater their treatment plans to your needs.
Here are some signs that you might need a therapist of your own:
1. When you take your child to a therapy session, and find yourself venting about your children’s behavior, family issues, and current life events for your portion of the session.
This is a sign that you might have a lot to get off your chest. Whether it be a feeling of burnout or just a lot of distress, you are likely using all that time because you need it. Therapy can help you manage stress and rule out any anxiety-related issues. If you choose to see a therapist, this also puts you in a position where you can be mentally prepared to help your child practice their skills and progress more rapidly in therapy.
2. You came to therapy saying, “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
This is a sign that you have likely reached a point of overwhelm that might be hard to come back from on your own. It is not impossible, but it might also mean that you are not super motivated to guide your child through education and practice skills. Therapy can help you feel like you have the skills to keep trying and help your kiddo reach their full potential.
3. Your child has a heritable disorder like ADHD, Autism, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Since these disorders are genetically linked and tend to run in families, you or someone else in your family may have some of the same difficulties your child has. Even simply getting a diagnosis can be helpful as a parent to better understand your own behavior and emotions. It also may give your child’s therapist more information on how to best help your child.
4. You find yourself fighting with your partner constantly (about the child or other topics) and feel unable to control it.
Unfortunately, we are not all given a guide on “how to succeed in relationships”. We can search the internet, but we will likely find a lot of misinformation from opinion blogs or pop culture websites. If you can’t seem to stop the fighting on your own, it might be time to seek couple’s therapy. Parenting is difficult, especially if you have a kiddo who is non-compliant, anxious, or highly emotional, but adding relationship difficulties on top of that is a lot for any person to handle. A therapist can help guide you and your partner to more healthy communication patterns and assist with diffusing conflict so you can feel more successful in your relationship.
5. You simply don’t know how to deal with everyday life stressors or recent life changes.
This one might seem obvious to you, but for certain cultures, therapy is highly stigmatized. In our changing economy and current state of political affairs, it is normal to have some stress or to be concerned about life changes (such as moving or acquiring a new job). Therapy can help by teaching stress management skills and offering an avenue for stress relief. Psychotherapy is not just for severe mental health concerns. We all need help sometimes.
So now that I want to go to therapy, how should I find a therapist?
Great question. There are many types of mental health clinicians: psychiatrists, psychologists, marriage and family therapists, social workers, and counselors. How should you know which one to pick?
It can be helpful if you know what kind of treatment you are looking for so you can find someone who specializes in that area. For instance, not all clinicians will be educated on neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD or autism. Asking trusted medical or psychological professionals you already know can help ensure that you get a high-quality referral to address your particular concerns. You may also consult websites like Psychology Today, which can help you locate a therapist who best fits your needs.
Next, read the bios of therapists you are interested in. Some therapists may say that they are IFS therapists, EFT therapists, EMDR therapists, and so on. Look up these acronyms and decide what models resonate more with you. At The EBP, our providers prefer approaches that rely on empirically-supported treatment approaches backed by research, such as CBT, DBT, and ACT.
Finally, pricing. Marriage and family therapists, social workers, and counselors only require a master’s degree, so these practitioners typically are less expensive. Psychiatrists and psychologists hold doctorate degrees, and the former can prescribe medications. Student rates, or clinicians currently in training to become a therapist, often offer a reduced rate. If you are on a tight budget, you can look for locations that offer a “sliding scale” or offer lower cost sessions with students and trainees. These scales typically use your household income to determine your session cost.
IF you are seeking services at The EBP, we recommend calling our front desk to see what options we have for you. If we don’t have a provider available to meet your needs, we can help find a referral that is right for you!
Call us today at 702-508-9181 to find out more.
References:
Adult Data 2022. (2022). Mental Health America. https://www.mhanational.org/issues/2022/mental-health-america-adult-data#:%7E:text=Adult%20Prevalence%20of%20Mental%20Illness%20(AMI)%202022&text=19.86%25%20of%20adults%20are%20experiencing,Jersey%20to%2026.86%25%20in%20Utah